Mom was still asleep when I woke up, so I tried to be quiet as I got outof bed. I thought about the things she'd said the night before aboutbeing a monster. She was my mother and I loved her dearly, but she wasright about being a monster. I thought about her as I picked mycigarette case and lighter off the nightstand and made my way to thebathroom.I stood in front of the bathroom mirror and lit a Virginia Slim. Itwould have been an understatement to say I looked stupid. A 16 year oldboy, in a night gown with falsies underneath, stared back at me with awoman's cigarette dangling from his lips.The sight of me smoking in my mother's favorite nightgown would haveturned me on a couple weeks ago, but not this morning. I was disgustedby what I saw. "You faggot," I whispered to my reflection. "Just lookat you. You make me sick."I don't know where the reaction came from. It could have been beenbecause I didn't have my wig and make-up on. And then again, it couldhave been because of. “Okay, Lydia,” Olivia said quietly, “I am going to lift your sheet and blanket now. Please turn onto your back.” Nervously, Lydia did as she was asked, feeling better when she saw that Olivia was holding the blankets in such a way that she could not see Lydia’s naked body. “I’m ready,” she whispered, and Olivia gently covered her with the sheet. She left the table for a moment and came back with warm hand towels, which she wrapped around Lydia’s feet. Lydia felt herself relaxing again, relieved that she hadn’t made a fool of herself. Olivia started at her head again, using a hard bristled brush to massage her head and pull through her hair. It was so decadent that Lydia couldn’t quite contain the small moan of pure relaxed pleasure that escaped her lips. Olivia continued on to her shoulders, then moved the sheet gently down to expose her breasts. Lydia’s breath caught in her throat. “This is a full body massage,” Olivia reminded her gently, “which includes the mammary glands.” Before.
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